Making an Ass out of You and Me.

... but mostly just me.
Don't you love that feeling? When you've got everything all figured out. You know exactly what's going on in his/her head. You, sir, have got a handle on your life.
Or do you? Oh wait, he's dating her, and what you thought was this was actually that.
And shit, there goes your life, crumbling by the wayside.
Assumptions. They're killing us.
GDL (first mentioned as GD) has made a formal request that I discuss assumptions, and, as I am oh-so familiar with these fancies, I am happy to comply.
Everyday, all around the world, millions of assumptions are made. About what people are thinking or feeling, about who they are as people, about what is really going on with a certain situation and so on. It's really difficult not to make assumptions, because often assuming is what gets us by on a day to day basis.
There are ambiguous assumptions, and these are kind of a "no-harm-no-foul" situation. You see someone on the street and immediately create a backstory for them - they come from this neighborhood, they look as though they're doing this, and so on. If this person is interesting enough, sometimes you even foreshadow for them - they're going to do this, they feel like this, and they're noticing this. It's automatic, and, as long as you're not making extreme discriminations (at least aloud) they're pretty much harmless. I mean, if we didn't make assumptions in certain situations how would math ever get done?
Assumptions become less harmless, however, when it involves people or things you are directly in contact with in your life. That's when you have the danger of making an ass of yourself, because you've got to see this person every. single. day.
So don't screw up.
That advice has probably come too late, though. Or, at least, it has for me. I've made assumptions that have gotten me in trouble so many times that I... can't even think of a rational number of times. A lot of times it involves my fantastically large ego thinking that it is beloved by many members of the opposite sex. Well my friends, it is not. You would think that said ego would have shrunk by now, but no such luck. Other assumptions have involved things such as assuming that I have studied enough, assuming that drinking every time the word "love" is said in Moulin Rouge was a GOOD idea (do you have any idea how many times in 'Elephant Love Medly' they say it - 22!), and assuming that the bus will be late because I am. Now, all of these don't involve people in my daily life, but they have all affected it quite deliberately, and I have in fact made an ass of myself. But not you, unfortunately.
In fact, I don't really understand that whole phrase, because when you make an assumption and then make an ass out of yourself, you generally don't make an ass of the person you've made an assumption about. In fact, they end up looking rational and you look like a crazy person. For example, say you think that your boyfriend is blatantly ignoring your multiple (and pressingly important) text messages, so you call, get voice mail, leave an angry message, then text lots of messages ranting about what an asshole he's being and how immature he is... then a few hours later you get a call saying that he had been out of service for the past couple hours. In a very small voice you say 'oh' and feel about thisbig. Then you essentially have to grovel, and apologize for being a crazy. Which you aren't, you just made a fatal assumption.
Not that that has happened to me with a boyfriend.
Perhaps an ex-boyfriend though... but only perhaps. I'm not committing to anything. And don't go assuming it's true - you may just make an ass of yourself.