Identity. Boy What a Concept

The other day I got to thinking about the Canadian identity - or lack thereof, rather. In an article I was reading it was pointed out to me by an article I'm reading for [yet another] scholarship application that the Canadian identity is composed of institutions and a "we're not like them" attitude concerning our neighbors to the South. We are constantly fighting off what we are not - a nearly-United State, another colony, or a piece of property stolen from the true Canadians of the country. The First Nations spirit does not capture all of the country, nor do our roots in Europe, with the advent of a globalized society, so who are Canadians?
Any MolsonCanadian beer commercial will tell us we say "eh?", drink maple syrup by the gallon, have a pet beaver, revel in the glorious sport of hockey, and that we follow an elaborate, semi-ridiculous "code". So why is the font of the beer in red and blue, not red and white? Why is our pride and joy, Tim Hortons, now owned by Americans, and why are we known for being so damn polite when Don Cherry is one of the most well-known Canadians? Why don't we know who we are? The answer remains to be seen.
Over a delicious breakfast I got two takes on the Canadian identity. One was that we don't have one because we aren't old enough, but I find that hard to believe. When Rome started they weren't that old either - but they stole the identity of the Greeks. The second option was no more illuminating, but it was highly entertaining.
The thought began as Canada being the lovechild of France, our good-for-nothing Father, and Britain, the doting mother that obtained custody. Of course, Quebec is Father's favorite, and when he has his visits he remains with him, the whiner. The Maritimes are the favorites of Mother, despite over-achieving Ontario. Alberta is the beauty-pageant winner, whose looks will give out as her oil supplies do, plunging her into glory-day reminisces. British Columbia is often ignored as the hippie son that both parents would rather ignore than deal with. Meanwhile, Saskatchewan is "special" and Manitoba is forgotten, an ice-queen anyways. The territories are, of course, the adopted sons that nobody really talks about.
Isn't Canada more fun when it's a dysfunctional family?