Time.

It's incredibly terrifying how quickly it goes?
As I sit here watching the pilot of Heroes and listen to the tiny, enthusiastic, Asian man ramble on about time travel and how most people envision time as a straight line I realized just how long its been since I blogged. Immediately I sprang to defend it with just how busy I've been - two jobs, finally being able to exercise again, living my life, pondering just what I'm doing with my life - oh, hang on, tiny Asian man just teleported into a whorehouse and then claimed not to be a pervert. Amusing.
Anyways, my point was that no matter how time passes and how things manage to get in the way, it is your choices that bring it there. I probably could have found time to write, just like I could be finding time to do everything that I want to do. Which right now is a jumble of confusing things bundled with worries about how I will find the means to do them. Is it terrible to want to have an amazing life? I don't really think so. I think that everyone wants that. Everyone wants to make a difference and be remembered and feel worthwhile, but somehow time gets in the way of things.
Which brings me back to the time-as-a-straight-line thing. I just don't picture time that way. I think it's more composed of pictures. Think about it, you can be sitting here, like me, plotting your future, trying to imagine what it would be like to complete a double major, or say f*** it and run off to build houses in Peru, or go on exchange, and then you can go downstairs and eat some watermelon and look out at your teeny backyard and suddenly your four again, sitting with your Dad in your Grandma's old house, slurping messily on watermelon.
People simply don't exist in straight lines. We're all over the place. We're constantly transporting ourselves (much like the tiny Asian man) from point to point in time. It doesn't seem to matter too much that while physically, yes, we progress generally along a fixed "line" mentally we are going through something else entirely. Some people get stalled in the past, and some people are simply too fixed on the future to enjoy the moment, and those living just in the moment usually end up screwing themselves in the long run. I think that in order to properly exist we've all just got to live the life we picture for ourselves, without letting random choices get in the way.