Isn't it amazing all the great qualities you have when you need to live someplace/do something/meet someone. Lavalife, housing, what's the difference, really? I mean, both require a complete focus on good traits, false smiles, and being on your best behavior.
However, it's not always a cake-walk to create a persona of oneself that is just so damn perfect.
And that's where your friends come in. They have no problem making huge exaggerations about your character, or discussing your many (HA!) triumphs... all of which may actually be true. At this point there is a distinction made between online dating sites and housing applications, because with the former, many people are fully able to liken their high school basketball team to being "a nationally ranked athlete" or playing in a garage band made up of thinning hair and bad backs to being "brooding, and musically gifted".
Searching for a mate seems to activate the very human tendency toward "positive self-thought" which is, unlike Freud's idea of repression, our most powerful defense mechanism. In categorizing ourselves (usually privately) as a step up from nearly everybody else, we are keeping ourselves happy and therefore productive and healthy. So, when you convince yourself that, yes, that tragically good-looking person was staring at you because they are irrevocably in love with you, it's basically so you don't kill yourself from despair. Some may find this depressing, I find it fascinating. The idea that we find ourselves good at sports/intelligent/attractive/whatever is mostly just our mind keeping us positive so that we can keep going through our daily life in a healthy, normal fashion.
Alright, so we think highly of ourselves to avoid suicide, and when it comes to finding a mate we have absolutely no problem elevating ourselves, consoling ourselves when nothing happens with a new prospect (I won't explain this one here - pick up He's Just Not That Into You or see the movie), so how come people have such a problem thinking highly of themselves when it comes to something actually important?
Housing applications, scholarships, personal essays for university entrance - it becomes so difficult to speak highly of our achievements, our good qualities, and our education. We're trained from childhood not to brag about these things, so when it comes time to talk ourselves up in a positive fashion, we falter. At the same time, we've been trained to find Ms. Right and Mr. Perfect - now can you imagine if THOSE two got together? - at any cost. Making ourselves more attractive is encouraged, displaying our positive qualities overtly is not. Funny, huh? I find it's always better to get friends to write about you - for both. Friends won't exaggerate about you, even if it means you getting laid. Friends will also be honest about just what a spectacular person you are and have been and perhaps will be in the future for various applications.
Aren't friends great?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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